Friday, 17 December 2010

For Services to the Vatican ... and other Public Service Awards 2010

For Services to the Vatican, Mark Thompson, Director General of the BBC - now an outreach service of the bunker.

Runner Up: Private Eye. Though saved from an actual Award by one sharp front cover, Private Eye remains remarkably coy about the scandals which have engulfed the Roman Catholic Church. Even the cartoonists have gone docile: at the time of the Pope's visit, there was nothing in Private Eye's pages which could not have appeared in a Catholic rag.

But, true, they were saved by one front page gag (I quote from memory): "In the old days, boys wanted to enter the priesthood. Now it's the other way around"

For Services to Baroness Uddin: Keir Starmer, the Director of Public Prosecutions who decided not to

For Services to the Royal Family: the British Press upon the occasion of a young chap announcing that he's gonna marry his live-in girlfriend.

For Services to Keeping the Lower Orders Deferential: David Cameron, who responded to the above announcement by giving them a Day Orff. As one wit writing to The Independent observed, that's the Circus organised, now we just need the Bread.

For Services to Scotland: Gordon Brown. Long may he continue with his round of Good Works in the Parish. I trust no one will try to draw him back to London.

For Services to Banking: Sir Fred Goodwin, for keeping a low profile.

.... Well, you get the idea. You could turn it into a Christmas parlour game. I have left you a clear field with the Liberal Democrats. It is the Season of Goodwill....

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