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Saturday, 30 April 2011

Wedding Venue? Why Not Hire London? From as little as £10 million

I have returned from my temporary exile in Munich, where I enjoyed a sunny day, a fine hotel, and all enabled by very cheap and on-schedule easyjet flights.

A thought occurs to me.

Around the world, there are many very rich despots and even more very rich despots' daughters. Some of them will have already told Daddy that they want a wedding just like Kate's.

Why not make their dreams come true?

An all-inclusive wedding package could include a night at the Goring, streets temporarily closed for your cavalcade, a wedding in a restyled multi-faith Abbey, lots and lots of police protection, and - for an extra million or two - a drive up the Mall in that Open Coach (which otherwise doesn't see much use), and - for another million - ten minutes on That Balcony. A flag-waving wedding crowd could be made available so that you are properly cheered on your way, and if you spend more than £15 million on your wedding package, a free BBC News item would be included with the compliments of HM Government.

It could be a nice little earner for the public finances. The Chancellor of the Exchequer should get together now with Boris Johnson and work out an agreement on how to divvy up the proceeds. Delivering the wedding package should be left entirely in the hands of our very capable Weddings 'R' Us team at the royal palaces.

There is a precedent: you can hire the Principality of Liechtenstein for as little as £40,000 a night. Frankly, it's not in the same league as Central London. And no despot would dream of fobbing off his daughter with a £40,000 wedding.

In an Age of Austerity, how can we say No?

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