Saturday, 2 January 2016

Ruritania 2016: Picking Litter for the Queen's Jubilee

Ruritania is a land of Jubilees. They come round with great frequency and usually involve the Queen. In 2016, she will celebrate her 90th Birthday and Ruritania’s population is also expected to celebrate.

One idea being promoted (by the Establishment magazine Country Life in association with the less Establishment Keep Britain Tidy group) is that the lower orders should show their appreciation for their Sovereign Queen by picking up litter from her streets and parks and beaches. They are such a mess and she deserves better. Already, groups of litter pickers are rallying to the Jubilee call and weekends have been designated for voluntary labour. It’s very admirable and I am sure Kim Jong Un will copy it next time he has a birthday.

Maybe some Potemkin villages should be constructed too and the homeless, the jobless and asylum seekers (and Ruritania surely reminds them of home) employed to wave Union Jack flags as Her Majesty Progresses through her Realm.

I asked myself, Will litter still be a problem fifty years from now? Of course it will, if Country Life has its way for  in fifty years we will still be living in Ruritania and our Sovereign King, already designated, will be ruling over future generations of the lower orders who will still be dropping litter as part of their birthright to squalor.

I thought of another question, In fifty years will people still be tripping over broken pavements and side-stepping pavement puddles?

Of course they will. The future is like the past and since our governors have felt no need for unbroken pavements or cambered pavements up until now, then why should they suddenly acquire an urge for them?

I imagine that somewhere in the world – and do please tell me where – there is a government or, more likely, a local government which takes pride in its pavements, which ensures that they are unbroken, which lays them carefully so that surface water runs off into the gutters and which even – lets go for a full blown Utopian fantasy – which even maintains a uniform style of pavement throughout a whole district, nay, through a whole city. There is no accounting for the strange practices of foreign governments.


Rest assured, fifty years from now, Ruritania will retain both its litter and its broken pavements and its puddles. God Save King George!

1 comment: